when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
