We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
