You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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