so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
