kristin has been a bad kristin
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
