I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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