dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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