You just made me feel so damn special
This girl is more easily done than said...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize