So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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