i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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