wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
