I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
