Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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