Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
