I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
