Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
