I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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