holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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