Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
