CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
