New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
