He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
