all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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