does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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