connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
