You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
