Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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