...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
