Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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