can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
