Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
