ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
