Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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