she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need water and some morals
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
