I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
