Cold hands, warm shart.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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