exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
