i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
