Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
