What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
