I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
