I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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