we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
