apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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