i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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