i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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