so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
