right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize