How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did you just send me my own nude
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
