she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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