I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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