i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
