What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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