well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
