I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
