If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
