I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can text with my tongue
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
