ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
