No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
