I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just pee around me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize