I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
