Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
