I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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