I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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