You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
