a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
