oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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