That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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