Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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