There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
