Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
