it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
