...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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