Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
