I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
