Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
