So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
