I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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