where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize