Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
