My nipple is on Facebook.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
