I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
