I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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