You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
