I wish I could teleport
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
