I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
