true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
