I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
