i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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